When I was 12 I wrote that phrase in one of my numerous notebooks rather offhandedly. The notebook was college lined cause I just thought I was so legit. Now I work in XLG unlined Moleskines. It was only when my best friend noted it in my scribbled scrawl that I sorta realized its significance. Little did I know how it would quickly become my mantra. I won’t begin to offer a commentary on the healthy and less healthy angles of the statement but I will say this, for me, its true.
I’ve been working without ceasing on the feature version of THOSE LIGHTER FLUID DAYS since mid February. When I’m not actually writing it, I’m thinking about it and kinda forcing other people think about it too. Spent so many nights without sleep, days without going outside, long cold walks in the rain barefoot. Sobbed in corners of neon lit hallways, and deserted clearings, forgotten to eat, ignored my laundry, went to work and only realized halfway through the day that I don’t actually remember driving there. Lived for people-watching and eavesdropping behind mirrored Lennon glasses, my creeper status in downtown Greenville/Simpsonville and Fountain Inn is pretty much carved in old coffee mugs and empty sidewalks. I mentally inhabit two worlds at once, shed an equal amount of tears for the characters on the page as those here in reality. They have quickly become dear old friends, with all their flaws and idiosyncrasies. I could get into the whole idea “what is reality anyhow?” but safe to say, that’s a whole different blog post.
I’ve been ridiculously blessed with the privilege to collaborate with those who have come to love these characters and the world created as much as I have. I’m very more privileged to have their full support, their hearts and minds invested in bringing those people to life. Its both terrifying, incredibly humbling, and exhilarating.
I honestly have no idea if everything I’ve put myself through and those around me has made the story better or if I’m simply being self-indulgent, playing into some unspoken and spoken lifestyle that people just expect of writers. Truth be told, most of the time I don’t even think about it. Probably because I’m thinking about that thing I’m supposed to be writing.